Looking back over the year '09, I realize that I am incredibly blessed, yet I am disgusted with myself. I see how my crooked and perverse heart has pushed me the wrong way. I see God's hand pulling me back from the edge of the cliff, back into His many blessings.
Looking back, I am utterly shocked, yet not surprised.

Looking back, I am not the person I was at the outset of '09. I have grown, changed; I have become a different person. In 365 days, I will be in the place again. The place will be the same, but I won't.


It was early the Spring of '08 if I recall correctly. In the middle of a cornfield, I was visiting my sister at Cedarville University. Soberly, after a day of college fun, I lay on a couch in a college dorm. It was a lack-luster couch by all means. Uncomfortable springs jabbing into my side. An unusual, unnatural odor wafting in my face. Regardless, my mind was consumed by something bigger, something more... abstract.
I saw my life. I saw both my blessings and my failures.
I saw clearly who I was, and I prayed to God regarding all that was before my mind's eye. I am not sure what I was praying for specifically, but God responded to me in a way that I did not expect. He told me clearly "by the end of the year, you will be a different person". While it may not have been those exact words, or even in the form of words at all, the message was clear.
Every day that passes by, I was making a choice. Not just what I would do that day, but who I would be at the end of the year. At the end of 08', God was right. I had changed.

I make this post, not because of my past experience, but because of the future. I realized, that through the year 2010, another metamorphosis will take place. But I realize, even more than ever, I need God through it. I have learned, that the only way to change for the better, is to let God work in my heart.

365 days, until it's too late. Too late to do things differently.Too late to be a better person.


Hindsight is 20/20 , so they say.
I just don't want to look back in regret.