Looking back over the year '09, I realize that I am incredibly blessed, yet I am disgusted with myself. I see how my crooked and perverse heart has pushed me the wrong way. I see God's hand pulling me back from the edge of the cliff, back into His many blessings.
Looking back, I am utterly shocked, yet not surprised.

Looking back, I am not the person I was at the outset of '09. I have grown, changed; I have become a different person. In 365 days, I will be in the place again. The place will be the same, but I won't.


It was early the Spring of '08 if I recall correctly. In the middle of a cornfield, I was visiting my sister at Cedarville University. Soberly, after a day of college fun, I lay on a couch in a college dorm. It was a lack-luster couch by all means. Uncomfortable springs jabbing into my side. An unusual, unnatural odor wafting in my face. Regardless, my mind was consumed by something bigger, something more... abstract.
I saw my life. I saw both my blessings and my failures.
I saw clearly who I was, and I prayed to God regarding all that was before my mind's eye. I am not sure what I was praying for specifically, but God responded to me in a way that I did not expect. He told me clearly "by the end of the year, you will be a different person". While it may not have been those exact words, or even in the form of words at all, the message was clear.
Every day that passes by, I was making a choice. Not just what I would do that day, but who I would be at the end of the year. At the end of 08', God was right. I had changed.

I make this post, not because of my past experience, but because of the future. I realized, that through the year 2010, another metamorphosis will take place. But I realize, even more than ever, I need God through it. I have learned, that the only way to change for the better, is to let God work in my heart.

365 days, until it's too late. Too late to do things differently.Too late to be a better person.


Hindsight is 20/20 , so they say.
I just don't want to look back in regret.

Familiarity breeds comtempt they say. I have to add, it always is pretty nifty at producing complacency. It is at this point where I should tell a pleasent anecdote about how I took something in life for granted, then when I lost it, I realized how much it was worth... um... yeah.
So nothing is coming to mind. My apologies.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me cut to the chase.

Durring the summer, I had the blessing of going to a college age group Bible study. One of the nights, we discussed the Beatitudes. Now, I have heard the Beatitudes backward and forward since I was a wee child who didn't understand them. As I grew older, I am pretty sure I had to memorize them for Sunday school, when I could understand what the words meant. As I headed into late teen-hood, I would hear them and understand every concept in the verses and everything in the universe for that matter. Now, as I head right into a brickwall, I realize how little I understand.
One of the verses hit a chord with me. A very strong chord.

Matthew 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "

This verse has baffled me in the most profound, almost life changing way. I will admit now, that I don't understand it. I don't know what it means to be "poor in spirit" but I have a feeling it has to do with being humble. I don't know what it means to have "the kingdom of heaven" but I am more then willing to guess that is a pretty sweet piece of realestate. While I can't understand the verse, I struck a chord with another verse that came to mind. These two passages together got my head spinning. The second passage was Galtians chapter 5.

Galatians 5:19-21 "Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God"


Now, looking at that list of sins, I know I can claim more than one of them, as I am sure you can as well. Especially if we are looking at the depth of these sins and their implications. Idolatry: putting anything before God in your life. Jealousy: not being satisfied with what God has given you in life. etc...
This list that Paul provided covers an extremely broad amount of sin. Now have always just look at these sins, and contrasted them agains the latter half of the chapter, saying "these are the bad things that are the fruit of our flesh and those are the good fruit of the spirit. Simple enough.

But something hit me. A basic logical syllagism..

These sins =/= getting the kingdom of heaven.
Being poor in spirit = kingdom of heaven
Therefore, being poor in spirit =/= these sins.

Essentially, if we are completely bankrupt in spirit, we won't sin. Now, I know that Jesus is the only One who could ever be completely poor in spirit, but He is our example after all, isn't He?

I believe it is possible to over extrapolate ideas from Scripture, but I believe I have extrapolate this with the contexts of the verses in mind; I also believe that this conclusion is in line with the rest of scripture.

So where does this leave me?
I don't know what it means to inherit the kingdom of heaven. I am not quite sure what it means to be "poor in spirit", but I do know my sin. I know my heart and even better know that it needs a lot of work. I don't fully understand the implications of these passages, but know they have great truth in them.
I don't know what it means to be poor in spirit, but I know that I want to know. I what to know the depths of it's meaning, but even more so, I want to be it.



I don't have a spell check on this computer, so I apologize for any spelling errors. I am too tired to proof read, so I apologize for any grammatical errors.

I have been cooking much more than normal the past week, I wanted to share my joy with the world!

Monday- Spaghetti w/ meat sauce and a salad
Tuesday- Chicken picatta, glazed carrots and a loaf of focaccia bread.
Wednesday- Chicken Quesadillas w/ a fresh tomato, cucumber and onion relish.
Thursday- Hamburgers with Creme brulee for desert
Friday(had company over)- Baked cod, broccoli, corn, mashed potatoes with Apple Crisp(crumble if you are British) and Brownies(from scratch) for dessert.

It has been great to be back in the kitchen.

Avacado+balsamic vinegar= Amazing!

Thanks for the tip.

On the way home from Nationals, Andrew and I had some really interesting conversations about poetry. I even got to look on as Andrew wrote a sonnet on the ride home. This really inspired me to give metered poetry a try. With help from Andrew, this is my first attempt.


I see through eyes of tainted kind,
The truth, the world, my trite, my whole.
Assured of things I've not divined,
My heart is that which lies console.
Within my pride, I try to think,
That I am right within my wrongs.
My hollow faith begins to sink,
Too far away from hallowed throngs.
I stand alone without a choice.
My lies, my vice hath brought me here.
I hope and wait to hear a voice
Of One I know, Who stills my fear.
And now my soul, it doth so pine,
To now behold that glorious sign.

I was in South Carolina for public speaking and debate Nationals. I walked into a local grocery store near my hotel. I took a moment to survey my surroundings. I saw a midget. I smiled.

Now, let me take to clarify. Midgets are amazing, and I have nothing against them. In fact, one of the coolest people I have ever worked with was a midget. Thus, please bear with me as we discuss how midgets are, and are not different from us, the tall people.

Looking at the fairly tall person standing in the door way, he gave a nod and with a degree of Southern hospitality and asked "How's it goin?". After a casual reply, I began to make my way toward the back of the store to find the bottled water section. Once I had all that I needed, I naturally went to check out. Behind the check-out thingy, to my surprise, I saw Mr. Midget standing on a stool, starting to scan my items. He struggled with the water, but clearly knew he could handle it on his own. I walked out of the store and found the car while lost in thought. His name tag noted that he was the manager. He was obviously quite capable of running things efficiently. He obviously was a very friendly person. He was obviously living a perfectly normal life.Then... why? Why didn't it feel obvious we so similar?

I have been thinking a lot about "Perspective" lately, and this incident made a lot of things "click" in my head. On the car ride down to South Carolina, my friend Andrew had kept me company and gave me the pleasure of some stimulating discussion. One thing he mentioned was a book that compared our relations with geometry. This idea came to mind as I left the store.

In the backseat, ideas bounced around. "We live in the exact same world, yet my life would be completely different if I was him. He has different trials than me, different frustrations and even different tasks. I honestly wouldn't be able to relate with many aspects of his life. Heck, I can't relate to a lot of aspects of my friend's lives. What I would give for a day in his shoes. A day to live anyone else's life." That is when it hit me. What perspective truly is. If you look at a sphere from 1 side, it will appear 2D. You can see its height and width, but not its depth. If you have three people looking at the sphere from different angles, they will only see 3 different circles. As long as someone is looking from a slightly different angle, they will see at least a slightly different circle.
This is exactly how we see the world.

The things around us are 3D, having height, width and depth. H. G. Wells explains that "time" is the 4th dimension. However, the world, as whole is essentially 5D. We all see it from our 4D experience in life and see it as what we feel to be a whole. However, there in lies the problem. When we see something that is 5D through 4D lenses, we can only see part of it.

The world is a sphere. I see my circle. you see your circle. We both see the world, and we both see different things. Perspective is how we understand a 5D idea, in a 4D way. The problem with this, is simply that we talk about the same thing, yet we unknowingly are talking about different perspectives of that thing.

I believe this is one of the biggest causes of miscommunication. You might see a red spot on one side of the sphere, while all I see of it is completely blue. The red spot gets you frustrated, while I don't have a clue what is bothering you. Now, a red spot on a sphere might seem trivial, but it is just a metaphor. Imagine the sphere is my
words, the blue is fun, and the rest spot is your pain. While my words seem to be completely fun to me, there is an obvious pain in them for you.

Do I want to hurt you with my words? Not in the least! Do I hurt you with my words, to my knowledge, for the most part no. Yes there have been some instances that I know of, and I have done my best to make amends. Have I hurt people without my knowing? Hah! I don't know, but I wouldn't surprise me. I see the world from my perspective, and that just isn't enough.

What is the significance of this? In all honesty, I am not completely sure at the moment. But I know 2 things.

1. Don't be afraid to explain your perspective. Especially when I or others seem to miss your point. and...
2. I am need to be willing to take a few steps to the side, and see things from your perspective. I am sick of seeing the world through "me" tainted glasses. It is time for a little perspective.

I feel like I am starting to understand something that is very simple. It would be great to hear your perspective on this subject and, to my delight, my good friend Andrew has agreed to post his perspective on the subjective of perspective.

Hopefully my convoluted thoughts are convey the impact that I am feeling.